Not to Plan
by The Linnet
Summary: Things don't always go the way we plan them. We don't plan to get sick. We don't plan to flunk. We don't plan to fall in love with our casual love interests. We most certainly don't plan to hurt them. ** Warning. Contains mature themes, language. Some people may find scenes within this upsetting.**
1. Chapter 1

James' POV

We'd been back at school for a week now. Final year. Six down and one to go. Unfortunately, though, that already meant that our professors had piled more than the last six years worth of work on our shoulders already. Leaving myself, Freddie - my partner in crime and cousin- and Sam Robinson - a total weirdo we adopted in first year, now a pretty solid friend - to follow my on again, off again girlfriend's little harem to the library and pretend like we were studying as hard as they were gossiping.

"I swear on it!" Chloe Mills faux whispered. "Charlie Avondale saw them!"

"They did not kiss." Polly Parkinson, my girlfriend, flipped her hair over her shoulder, fluttering her eyes a little at me as she did. "Clarke doesn't have the lady balls to go chasing after someone like Malfoy_._

_"But Malfoy's a big enough man-whore to let her." _Freddie whispered at me and Sam.

_"I thought he was chasing your Rosie?"_ Sam's voice was barely audible over the turning of his page. Freddie hit him with a book. It was coming. We all could see it. Didn't mean we had to like it. Though Rose dating a Malfoy sure would make Christmas hilarious.

"Back to Avondale though," Little Jessica Sommers put in. "Is he single again? Because I mean -" Polly laughed loud and cruel. The boys and I shared a look. Freddie was mocking me, Sam was being sympathetic.

"Charlie Avondale is a gay as row of pink tents!" she cackled at poor, now beet red, Sommers.

"No! No!" She argued shaking her little blonde head. "He was dating Sophia Dennison last year!"

"I can assure you," Sam piped up. "With great accuracy, that Avondale is, indeed, on my team. Sorry, Sweets!" The girls looked at Sam open mouthed. It wasn't really a secret that Sam was gay, just not often it was said out loud. And he almost never let on who he'd been burning the midnight oil with. Even as a straight man, I could see the attraction with Charlie Avondale, a very handsome hufflepuff in the year below us. I reached forward holding my fist out to Sam who smiled goofily as he met it with his own closed fist.

"Did anyone hear the latest on Lily though?" I could see Polly out of the corner of my eye. She was trying to get a rise out of me or Freddie now. We'd upset her not being upset with Sam.

"She's got a boyfriend?!" One of the new girls - I never bothered to learn their names when they were new - to the group hissed.

"Merlin no!" Polly laughed. "She'll die a virgin -"

"Good." I hissed through clenched teeth.

"She has however got some new artwork." The girls looked confused and Freddie kicked my foot. "Little white lines all up her arm. She likes to-"

"Too fucking far, Polly." I stood up. I could feel my face going red with anger. How dare she talk about my baby sister like that!? How dare she turn her into a joke!

"What?" Polly feigned innocence. She knew what Lily was going through, the daft girl had told her herself. "Did I say something wrong?"

"You bloody well know you did!" I yelled. "It's over Polly, I'm fucking sick of this scheming and gossiping! It's one thing to talk about who kissed who or Sam's outstanding lay -"

"Thanks bro."

"Don't mention it," I changed my tone to Sam, but back to pissed off Weasley when I turned back to Polly. "But a total different game to bitch about someones baby sister's mental health when you know she came to you for help because she looked up to you." The girls had gone from staring at me accusingly to wide mouthed gaping at Polly. "I'm fucking done, Polly. It's over." I spat.

I started to gather my things up, Freddie and Sam following suit, when a small voice interrupted.

"I'm really sorry," I turned, still furious. My anger dropped when my lizard brain caught up with itself. It was only Landon. "I'm trying to get my trans papers done, and you're all being a little distracting. Would you mind?"

"I'm leaving anyway." I fumed.

"Sorry, B." Sam waved. "Mind if I catch you later? Struggling with potions."

"Sure," Landon smiled before turning away and ducking back behind a book shelf.

We found a new table, a little way away from the girls, but we were still able to hear them whisper and giggle. Occasionally, you could hear what they were actually saying. Apparently, Mavis Tressle in Slytherin had a new piercing. Freddie confirmed and wiggled his eye brow when asked where. Some poor firstie ran into Queen Polly yesterday and now was the bane of her entire existence. And Prof Binns was accused of looking up girls skirts. Seriously. The man didn't even realise he'd died, never mind gives two hoots whats up a ladies skirt!

"Do they ever shut up?" I groaned, face planting into my textbook.

"Nope." Sam popped the 'p'.

"Sod it." I slammed my book shut. "I'm going." I left Freddie and Sam still sitting at the table, and actually doing some work for once.

I wasn't paying much attention when I left the library and turned down the corridor filled with little alcoves that some people used for studying. Until something - or someone - plowed straight into my chest. I looked down to see familiar strawberry blonde curls backing out of my athletic front.

"Alright, Landon?" I smirked quickly hooking one arm around her waist.

"Public, James." She sighed before looking up at me. The things I would do for those beautiful baby blues. Alright, the things I _have _done because of those baby blues. I quickly looked around the almost deserted corridor before pulling us both the short distance in the alcove she'd just left. It was still public, like she was about to point out, but it was at least not out in the open. Landon's full lips parted, a look of annoyance on her face. Before she could utter a single syllable, I caught her mouth with mine, not even waiting for permission before I thrust my tongue into her.

You see, while Polly and I had a public on again, off again thing, Briar Landon and I had something much better. Or worse, some might say. We liked to fuck. Fuck buddies, one might say. Call me what you want, but it was rarely called off - if ever. We just didn't screw for a bit.

I dropped my book and ran my spare arm down her thigh, pulling her skirt up so I could get my fingers on her bare flesh. The beautiful little minx she was, she didn't refuse, in fact she stood high on her tiptoes, wrapping her arm around my neck for better leverage. I used that to my advantage and hooked her leg up around my waist. This gave me the perfect vantage point to reach under her thigh and to her core.

"Missed me, B?" I smirked, giving my attack on her mouth a rest. I teased her, gently rubbing the wet fabric against her. "All for me?" I loved to feel how wet she'd get for me, I loved how I could make her moan. I went in to kiss her again, but she turned away from me.

"Fuck, James." She rested her head into the crook of my neck. "We can't do this. What if we're seen?" She started to pull away from me.

"Hey," I stopped her. "I don't know if you heard but I'm a free man now, so unless you've found yourself something fitter than me..." I smiled. She looked up at me again. There was something in her eyes.

"It's more complicated then that, Jamie." She whispered. Her went glassy and she looked away from me quickly.

"Shit, Briar," Fuck, fuck, fuckity, fuck-fuck. "I didn't mean - did I go too far?"

"No," She was smiling again, thank Merlin! Smiling is a good sign, right? "I just - I want you to think long and hard -"

"I am very much so." I smirked again, earning me a slap on the chest from her petite hand. Red polish today, nice touch Landon.

"James." She warned me. "I really want to you to think about this, about us." She was playing with the creases in my shirt now, pushing them straight and pulling the material away from my body in a random pattern. "If we keep up this silly game, you'll never get where you're meant to be and who you're meant to be with." She was refusing to look up at me. I untangled one hand and caught her cheek with it. She resisted me tilting her head upwards, but only for a moment. A single tear rolled down her cheek. To say I was confused was an understatement.

"Maybe you are the one I'm meant to be with?" I rested my forehead against hers. I wasn't lying to her. It could work. We were definitely compatible in the bedroom, she was very easy on the eyes and she was down right hilarious. And she didn't put up with my shit, could hold her own in an argument - horrible temper, but so is mine - and could most definitely keep up at at family games nights.

"I'm not," She leaned up and gave me one soft peck on the lips. "Please, Jamie, just think." She untangled herself and left me along in the alcove. That was not how I was expecting that little meeting to go.

A couple of hours - and one less erection - later, I was still confused when I made my way into The Great Hall for tea. Freddie and Sam were already seated at the Gryffindor table. They'd been joined by my cousins Molly and Rose. Lily wasn't sat too far away either.

"Potter." Freddie nodded over at me.

"Weasley." I replied, sitting myself down next to Molly and grabbing a few french fries from her plate.

"Get your own!" She shoved me. Quickly, the redhead turned back to the mousey haired girl next to her and carried on with her chattering.

"Ouch!" a sharp pain exploded in my knee.

"You might want to listen to this, James." Freddie nodded over at our two cousins.

"- got to be a couple of months, at least." Rose nodded.

"I didn't even know she was seeing anyone!" Molly was about as good at whispering as I was at keeping my temper.

"She's not."

"Summer fling maybe?"

"Maybe."

"Who are we even talking about?" I nudged Molly's back with my elbow.

"Briar Landon." Molly turned back to me.

"What she done?" I was interested. Rumour mills churning over Landon could fill me in on this afternoons weirdness. Molly and Rose shared a look between themselves. Eventually Rose shrugged.

"Word is she's..." she looked around, then leaned over Molly towards me and the boys. "she's pregnant." I nearly choked on my stolen bread.

"She's told you this?" Sam, ever the cool kid, chose his words carefully. Ignoring me spluttering and Freddie's crazy eyes in my direction.

Freddie and Sam where the only two people, I knew of, that knew about mine and Landon's little 'game'. We'd been fooling around for about two years, having sex for the best part of the last one. Freddie knew because he could read me like a book and hadn't dropped it when he found out I'd kissed her at a house party one time. Sam had the pleasant experience of walking in on us a few months later, me leaning on a school desk and Landon on her knees. I'm sure you can fill in the details.

Molly shook her head. "No, it's just something running through the rumour mill. Dorm mates are saying she spends her days puking."

"Entirely possible it was just a tummy bug," Rose nodded.

As we left The Great Hall, Freddie got close to me, nudging my arm. I looked over at him and a million questions could be read in his dark eyes. I didn't want to talk about this. It couldn't be possible. I just saw her - if she was wouldn't she have told me?

"Just a tummy bug, mate." I muttered, repeating Rose's earlier words, and walked ahead and away from him and Sam.


	2. Chapter 2

Briar POV

I'd seen them whispering all day. It was bound to start eventually. By tea time, most people had heard. Most people were throwing various looks my way. Some annoying. Some mocking. A couple came across as sympathetic. Either way, I decided to avoid the throng of students in The Great Hall, took a pit stop down in the kitchens for a pep talk and a sandwich and then made my way up to the old West Tower. It apparently was once used as a classroom, but now it was just an empty, peaceful space. I sat myself down on the window ledge, looking out over the grounds, and read my book while eating the sandwich one of the elderly house elves had made for me.

After not too long, I heard the door at the base of the stairwell open. It had to be James. For two reasons. We'd deciphered a particular charm a long time ago to help us use this private little space to our advantage after getting caught in what we thought was an abandoned room by his friend. And I assumed that, by now, he must have heard the rumours.

"Landon," I know I shouldn't right now, but my mind always jumps to every other time he's shouted my name in this room. "You up here?"

"Here." I called out. I didn't move. When James got to the top of the stairs, I watched his hazel eyes scour over me. He was taking in every detail he hadn't taken in before. From my day over due hair, minimal make up, packed lunch, curled up position and finally, the hand I couldn't help but forever find sitting on my still relatively flat stomach. He stopped there. His eyes widened and I watched a complete array of emotions run through his face. Some I recognised. Most I didn't.

"So it's - erm.." He stopped and closed his eyes. I felt my stomach tighten and my heart stop. "what they're saying is true then?"

"Jamie-"

"Is it true?" His eyes shot open. They weren't his normal, soft, welcoming hazel eyes. They were cold and hard. I felt tears welling in my own eyes. I nodded. "Is it -" deep shaky breath. "-is it mine?" I couldn't even look at him while I shook my head. I managed to keep it together until I heard the door at the bottom of the stair case slam shut. Then I sat and shamelessly cried.

I was up there for a few hours. I cried until there was nothing left in my to cry. My jumper made a good substitute for a cloth and I wiped away the streaks of mascara from my cheeks. My eyes would still be red, but there was nothing I could do about that. I kept my head down the whole way back to the Ravenclaw common room.

I headed straight for my favourite reading nook as soon as I got into the tower, half closing the curtain behind me. You see I prefer to be on the edges of the action than in it. This whole being pregnant and people starting to gossip was not what I was used to. I guess that's part of the reason why I'd always been happy as James' bit of the side. I wanted his attention, I enjoyed it, but I didn't want the attention that being THE James Sirius Potter's girlfriend would have gotten me.

"Hey B," Sam Robinson stuck his head around the curtain. He'd obviously seen me come in. "Mind if we have a look at that poti- Shit are you okay?" I rubbed the tears that had started again away. I hadn't even realised I was crying. Sam was good people. Sadly he was also James' people.

"Oh, me?" I laughed. Even I could hear it didn't sound right. "Never been better." Sam looked at me. He then threw a quick glance over his shoulder before stepping fully behind the bronze curtain. He cast a quick silencing charm as he closed it behind him.

"I've heard what they're saying." He said very matter of factly. Sam was rather to the point like that, I'd found. "James told me what you'd said." I could feel his eyes boring into me. I was busying tracing the embroidery on a scatter cushion that would normally have sat on one of the large leather sofa's in the main part of the room. "Why did you tell him it wasn't his, Briar?"

"Because it's not." I spat the words out.

"Briar," Sam didn't move. " I know you had that thing with Dick Thompson-" I snorted at the nickname. Richard was very much a dick. "but I know that's been over for months."

"How do you know that?"

"You think you're all mysterious and have the whole world fooled - both of you," He sighed. "But we see it. Why did you tell him the baby isn't his?" I sat in silence for a while. Trying hard not to break down.

"If he knew, he'd drop everything. He'd do 'the right thing'." I said finally.

"And?"

"And he'd lose too much." I finally met Sam's eyes now. "He'd have to put up with his family, the press, dropping that partnership he's been working towards. He'd ruin his life."

"What about yours, B?" Sam leaned forward now. He grabbed my fidgeting hand in his large, warm one. I'd been thinking a lot about that question over the last 4 weeks. Which was how long it had been since I'd taken a pregnancy test.

"I haven't worked that out yet." I admitted quietly. Suddenly, I felt Sam's arms around me. He smelled like expensive cologne and fabric softener.

"I know I'm his friend," Sam's voice was low, I could feel his breath against my cheek. "But you're not alone, B." I didn't really listen to what Sam was saying. Words are just words, and Lord knows people usually don't mean them. But being in his arms, feeling like someone actually gave a shit about me right now, it made things feel ever so slightly better.

Apparently, Sam was worth more than just words. When I got through with vomiting that morning and finally got myself into my uniform and down the dorm stair well, he was there. Leaning against the wall. Looking all fresh and neat and tidy - the polar opposite of what I looked right now. He held out a water bottle and an apple as I reached him.

"I thought you could use some food." He said simply as I took the items from him. I felt tears stinging the back of my eyes at the gesture. nothing more was said as we walked to class - charms - but it was nice to feel like I had someone on my side. I just focused on putting one foot in front of the other and trying to keep the apple down.

Class had already started when we got there and I hesitated at the door. But Sam took hold of my arm and dragged me through anyway. The room feel silent as we walked in. I felt the eyes of 28 other students boring into me. Thankfully, Professor Baines almost ignored our late arrival - which actually might have done more to start the whispers as she's normally a hard ass on punctuality. Sam held tight onto my hand the whole way through the two hour lesson. It was reassuring, though I'm sure he was only doing it because he thought I was going to run away.

"Miss Landon," Professor Baines shouted over the dismissed class. "A word." I sighed and Sam let go of my hand, motioning he'd be right outside.

"I'm sorry I was late Prof-"

"Don't worry about that." She waved my comments off and sat herself down behind her tidy desk. "I just wanted you to know that I'm here."

"Yes?"

"You know, if you ever needed someone to talk to."

"Right."

"It's just," She smiled sympathetically. "I know there isn't really anyone at home, so if you needed someone, my door is always open."

"Right." I was half way between angry tears and upset tears. "Thanks Professor." I picked up my bag and left, storming past Sam and straight to the Great Hall as I went.

I didn't go to class for the rest of the day. I hid in the library instead.


	3. Chapter 3

James POV

Three weeks had flown by in a blur. October hit me with a wave of orange and pumpkin spiced everything. But I only had one thing on my mind. I had heard random snippets of information. Like I knew she was due around the end of January. Rose had told me that one. I knew her family didn't know yet. Sam had told Freddie that one. And I knew the dad was some muggle who stripped in a bar in Soho - apparently. Polly was having great fun spreading that piece of information around. I knew that being near her, looking at her or even thinking about her right now hurt. It felt how I imagine the cruciatus curse would. Somewhere in my rational mind, I knew she didn't belong to me, she never had. I never had the balls to make that move. I shouldn't be pissed at her for sleeping with someone else. But the irrational side was seething. I could feel the anger bubble and roll in my chest at the mention of her name. Which right now - happened a lot.

Yet again, I found myself in 'our' room. But not with her. My hands moved along a slender pair of legs. But they weren't as toned as hers, they were longer too. The body kept making stupid, gasp-y noises whenever I moved or changed the pressure in the slightest. They sounded fake and I really wasn't into it. I broke away to see two big brown eyes staring up at me.

"Jamie?"

"Look, Cindy-"

"It's Sadie."

"Yeah, Sophie-"

"Sadie"

"That one," I was getting frustrated now. "This just isn't working."

"What?" She squeaked. A mixture of anger, fear and annoyance moved across her well made up face. "I can do something better..." she trailed off and played with my collar before dragging her nails down the front of my shirt, dropping herself to her knees before she began grappling with my belt buckle.

"Wait!" I grabbed her hands, but she fought against me. "Sylvie, stop, it's not working." I turned and left her there, on her knees.

* * *

I knew as I walked away, that that whole situation was going to come back and bite me quite royally on my arse. I just didn't expect that time to come as soon as breakfast the next day.

Freddie and Sam had saved me a seat for when I eventually wandered down for my Saturday morning bacon butty. They carried on their conversation about something or nothing, not noticing me quietly joining them. Then Freddie sat up straighter and nodded his head behind me. Before I could look I heard it. The click of those stupid little kitten heels Polly always wore.

"So, Potter," She drawled. "I hear you're having a little trouble getting it up without me." Her little harem of banshee's cackled behind her. Sam choked on his orange juice and showered Freddie in it. I didn't look up from my plate. I could feel the heat rising in my cheeks. I heard another click, her stepping closer. Then I felt her hand on my shoulder. "If you apologised," she leaned into me, her lips grazing my ear. "I'm sure I could help you out with that."

I suddenly didn't want my breakfast. My stomach churned over and over. I stood, not really knowing what I was doing. But winging it always seemed to do me good.

"I'm fine," I said, rounding on her. "Any problems I may or may not be having, say more about the skills of the company I was keeping than about me." I tried to move away from her, wanting desperately to get out of what was now becoming a very stuffy Great Hall.

"But you know how good we are together James," She drawled with her hand on my neck.

"Polly, it's over," I sighed and went to move her hand away.

"You're really going to turn down a final chance with -"

"Oh for fuck sakes," I heard from the Ravenclaw table next to us. "He said he's not interested Parkinson." I looked slightly to my left to see who was calling Polly on her bullshit. Sitting there, with her blonde curls in a high pony, very little make up on and a simple black dress, looking a stark contrast to my very over the top cousin sitting next to her, was Briar Landon.

"Whoring yourself out isn't classy," Dominique's sheet of silver hair shimmered as she nodded in agreement with Landon. The room seemed to drop ten degrees and I could feel Polly tense beside me.

"I only see one whore here." She sneered over at the pair, then turned on her heels and left. Her gaggle of morons following her quickly. My eyes locked with those baby blues for just a millisecond before she turned back to her minimal breakfast and her conversation with Dom.

My heart was thudding by the time I reached the dorm. I needed a shower, a cold one.

* * *

I hid away from my friends for the rest of the day, using the excuse of needing to go and study when they returned to the dorm looking for me. I did go and study, but only after a couple of hours out on my broom. I gathered together a small collection of books that would have made Aunt Hermione proud before checking them out and wandering down the corridor of alcoves to find somewhere quiet, private and away from the sniggering that had followed me around the castle all day. I swung open a curtain and dumped the books on the table before I even looked.

"Hi,"

"Oh, sorry, didn't see you -" I looked up. Landon was sitting there, her own pile of books and parchment in front of her, now somewhat disrupted by my arrival. "I'll just go."

"James," she said softly while I tried to repile the books. "There's plenty of room." I stopped what I was doing. I closed my eyes and held my breath before letting it out and flopping down on the bench across from her. We worked in silence for some time. Landon scribbling almost non stop over her parchment with her usual Pheasant quill - she said they reminded her of home - and I was turning pages with out much progress. I mean I was reading what was there, but I wasn't really reading it at the same time.

"Ouch!" I was at Landon's side before I even registered what was happening.

"What's wrong?" I put my arm around her on instinct, my heart racing at her scrunched up face and the hand on her ever so slightly rounded stomach. It felt like hours, but eventually she put her spare hand on my arm and her face relaxed.

"Just braxton hicks," she laughed softly. "I think."

"So I don't get to be 'midwife Potter' today?" I grinned back at her. As angry as I was at her, being around her always felt easy.

"Not today!" She giggled. "God, could you imagine what the rumour mill would do with that one!"

"Urgh," I moved my arms from around her and dramatically threw myself back onto the bench. "I am done with rumours today."

"Oh, you should hear the latest on my situation," she smirked at me, her quill and essay forgotten. "James," she said with a serious face and reached out for my hands. "you should know... I'm carrying your baby brother or sister." My heart sank. Then she fell back laughing at me.

"That was cruel."

"Some fifth year asked me what it was like in bed with 'The Chosen One'." She was still laughing.

"Def not my dad's then?"

"What do you take me for Jamie!?" she giggled and swatted my arm. I felt a smile pulling at my lips.

"I can beat that anyway."

"Go on,"

"I've got a limp dick."

"I should hope it is," she eyed me suspiciously.

"'James Potter needs Pecker Up Potion'." I mocked a headline with my hands. "Seriously, the amount of girls who've offered to 'help out' is insane."

"You're a good looking guy," she shrugged.

"One even asked if I'd like for her to 'give it mouth to mouth'."

"Merlin!" She leaned back onto the table. "They've actually no shame have they." A small wince passed over her lovely face.

"Another one?" I reached for her hand out of impulse.

"No," she shook her head. "Kicks."

"What?"

"Here," she took the hand I was resting on top of hers and dragged me back around onto her bench. She shuffled slightly then placed my hand against her stomach with hers on top. It was firm, firmer than I was expecting. We waited like that for a couple of minutes, but those couple of minutes were more than enough to confirm that while somewhere inside I was seething at her, most of me wanted her back. Then I felt it. A little push against the taught skin. Then another, this one clearer. "I've never let anyone else feel." She whispered. I pulled her into my chest with my free arm and we stayed sitting like that, feeling her baby move for hours.

"It's amazing how fast this has grown." I eventually said, my thumb rubbing her belly on it's own accord.

"Well, to be fair, I think baby moved a bit more forward last week." she sighed. "I could still button my jeans until Wednesday."

"I'm sorry, B." She turned her head to look at me with those confused eyes. "I was in the wrong, we weren't exclusive. I... I don't have any right to be angry about this."

"Thank you." She whispered and pecked my cheek then got up to leave. "Hey, James?"

"Yeah?"

"I have a healer appointment on Friday at two," She was looking at the cover of one of the books I brought to the table. "I was wondering if you'd come with me?"

"Me?"

"Well my family aren't speaking to me and Dom's scared in case someone tells her dad she was at the clinic and he jumps to conclusions." I didn't say anything. "No, I was silly to ask, forget I did-"

"Friday at two." I nodded at her, committing the date and time into my memory. "I'll be there with bells on."


	4. Chapter 4

Briar POV

I practically skipped into my dorm room that night, Dom was already up there and watched my every move. I had reason to suspect she knew everything surrounding my pregnancy. I also have a slight inclination to believe she knows - or has a very good idea- about my and James's past relationship. I was concerned at one point she'd put two and two together. But it was a brief moment. Like she was testing the waters on that thought and gave up.

"Why so chipper?" She spoke from over her book.

"No reason." She rolled her eyes.

"Fine, don't tell your best friend." Drama queen. "Anything to do with you coming to James's rescue this morning?" Sneaky.

"Nope." I popped the 'p' and carried on fussing around gathering my shower kit and fresh pyjamas.

* * *

Friday eventually came around, it was a drag of a week. The rumours carried on - according to the mill, I'm pregnant with twins. One Harry Potter's and one some unnamed muggle stripper. Both conceived under the influence of love potions, naturally. But nothing was shaking the smile off my face. While I didn't want James to know that this baby is his, and almost every night I close my eyes and see the pain in his eyes when I told him, I can't say I wasn't enjoying spending time with him again. Sure our 'spending time together' in the past was usually a few stolen moments here or there around the castle to relieve a bit of tension. Now it was different.

Now, we talked. We sat together for hours laughing. Every so often he'd put his hand on my belly. At first, he'd ask and it was awkward. Usually he'd be sat across from me with his arm held out in a rigid manor. But as the week went on, he'd shuffle beside me and just slide a hand over while he prattled on about quidditch training or the latest owl he received from a potential recruiter. I had cared about him before, that's why I made the choice to never tell him, but I never thought I could possibly love him.

No, Briar, don't be silly. You can't love James Potter.

* * *

It was five minutes to two, and Madame Abbott was starting to get snippy with me, telling me I needed to get into the fire 'right this second if I didn't want to be late'. But James wasn't here yet. He'd promised me. I sighed and turned towards the flames and the pot of powder being held out to me. Give her her dues, she did offer me a sympathy smile.

"I could always come with you if you don't want to go alone?" She offered. Her eyes were kind with little crinkles in the corners as she smiled at me in a rather motherly way. She wasn't judging me like some of the other teachers had been.

"I... urm..." I felt hot tears stinging the back of my eyes. "It's okay. I guess I need to start being a big girl now and all that." I laughed shakily and grabbed a handful of dust from the pot and stepped closer to the flames.

"B!" I heard from behind. Turning, it was none other than a rather dishevelled James sprinting down the hall. I felt my heart soar and my shoulders shrug off the twenty stone of weight I hadn't realised they'd been carrying at the sight of his stupidly messy head.

"Oh," Madam Abbott nodded next to me. "I see."

"James is just a friend," I said in what I hoped was a confident voice.

"Yes," I could hear the smile in her voice. "I'm sure he is."

"So I'm not too late?" James finally reached us, out of breath and pink in the cheeks. I couldn't find words. But Madam Abbott said something and then ushered us into the fireplace with a fresh handful of powder. I felt James snake his arm around me, throw the powder and call out 'St Mungo's Maternity Clinic'.

The room outside of the fireplace shot out of sight and was quickly replaced with the entrance to the sterile blue room that was the clinic waiting room. We stepped out and dusted ourselves off before walking up to reception to sign in.

"Um...Hi?"

"Yes?" an elderly healer called over the tall counter.

"I... urm... I have an appointment?"

"Is that a question or a statement?" she sighed and stopped her note writing to look over the matching blue counter at me.

"A statement." I nodded, my heart was pumping a thousand miles a minute. I felt James's hand wiggle into mine and he gave my fingers a quick squeeze. "Briar Landon."

"You're late," she grumbled scanning down the appointment sheet. "Take a seat." James led me by the hand to the uncomfortable plastic chairs on the wall next to the reception desk. I tried to distract myself by looking around the room, but it was rather boring. A few posters on the wall about giving birth at the clinic, a couple of scary ones I decided not to focus on and a rather drab looking painting of a field. The reception desk had a small vase of fresh flowers in and the coffee table had a selection of magazines and pamphlets. James dropped my hand and picked up a few but I couldn't. I'd read most of them last time I was here.

"Yo, B?"

"Yeah?"

"How many weeks are you?" His eyes were trained on a booklet he'd picked up.

"24." He nodded and repeated '24' a few times before stopping silent again.

"Hey..." He stopped reading. "Did you know that your baby can wiggle his eyebrows?"

"I did not." I chuckled.

"And it says here we should talk to baby loads." He pointed at a small paragraph I didn't bother to read. "Says it will help them to recognise us when they're - you know - here." He made a rough gesture of a baby in his arms and then leaned over his head close to my little bump. "Hey baby, I'm your Uncle Jamie," Before I could respond a disembodied voice called my name.

* * *

The new room was just as boring at the waiting room, except this one had a cheap blue curtain, a bed, a couple of small metal tables on wheels. The healer hadn't arrived yet, so we just stood awkwardly in the room not really knowing what to say to each other anymore.

"Hello, hello!" A cheery voice called as the door swung open, nearly taking James out as it did. "I'm Fliss Saxton, I'm going to be your healer for this pregnancy!" Fliss was the type of person both me and James would usually avoid. She was bubbly, cheerful and smiley without reason. Her white blonde hair was high in a long pony tail that swung side to side every time she moved- which was a lot- and her face had a large, possibly fake, smile painted on. The pink robes that formed her uniform clashed horribly with the blue walls around her. "Lets get you up on the bed, shall we?" I nodded and complied while Fliss turned away to sort through the paperwork. I struggled and slipped a couple of times before a strong hand wrapped around my arm.

"Here," James effortlessly lifted me onto the high bed. "Wouldn't want you hurting yourself." He grinned at me. He let go of me and stepped back. It felt cold with him so far away.

"So," Fliss turned back with the file open in her hands. "Just to confirm your full name?"

"Briar Anne Landon." I muttered, my hand automatically going to my belly the way it always did these days.

"Date of birth?"

"Fifteenth of March '04." Fliss nodded and flipped a page.

"I have last menstrual period at 18th April," She looked up at me. She seemed kind enough but I could help but feel she was judging me a little. "That sound about right?" I nodded. "Oh, fantastic! A V-day baby!" She clapped her hands.

"What she on about?" James muttered next to me while Fliss faffed about in a draw again. "Surely you'd be about ready to pop if this was a Valentines baby?"

"Wrong 'V-day'," I shot back before Fliss turned back.

"So we'll just shuffle down the bed a little more," She started to help me back into a more reclined position. "And we'll have a little look shall we? Is this dad?" She nodded to James with a smile.

"Merlin, no!" James laughed loud. "Just moral support!" She nodded and smiled at him. I tried to fake a smile too but it was robotic and screamed otherwise.

"Couple of quick checks first, and then we'll get down to the magic," She grinned at me then grabbed my arm and pressed hard at my wrist taking my pulse. She then pulled out two little vials from her pocket and shook them at me apologetically before bringing the vial and her wand to my arm to draw blood. She wandered off back to the units at the side with the blood and clattered around a little.

"This baby thing is starting to look less fun," James had reached for my hand when Fliss had started to take blood and was rubbing his thumb over the top of my hand in a reassuring way.

"Oh," I smiled. "This is the easy bit."

"All good!" Fliss came back with a bottle of potion. "So, if you can just wriggle your top up over belly, I'll rub some of this on and have a bit of a look and then I'll show you baby! Are we wanting to find out the sex?"

"Yes" We spoke in unison. James muttered a sorry afterwards, but I just squeezed his hand. The guilt sat heavy in my stomach over not telling him. Fliss nodded again and poured some of the potion onto my exposed stomach then rubbed it in before putting the tip of her wand against my skin and fixing her eyes on a sheet facing away from me and James. It felt like forever that Fliss was moving her wand across my belly, pressing harder in some areas then moving it around more. I felt my chest tightened. Surely it shouldn't take this long. I started breathing heavier, feeling tears burning my eyes. Something must be wrong. Then James squeezed on my hand and pulled it up to his mouth. He wasn't even watching me while he did it, he was watching the healer. It looked natural on him and it made me feel about a thousand percent calmer.

"Okay," Fliss finally said before flicking her wand at the sheet in front of her that then enlarged and positioned itself by my feet, giving me and James a clear view. As soon as her wand made contact with me skin again the sheet slowly flooded a dark pink and something came into focus. Five little fingers waved across the sheet, then Fliss moved her wand a little and a perfect little face came into view. Tiny pursed lips, delicate little eye lids closed with tiny podgy cheeks underneath and the most perfect button nose. "Meet your daughter." Fliss said quietly.

* * *

When we returned to Hogwarts, I passed over the notes Fliss had given me for Madam Abbott and followed James out of the hospital wing and down the stairs. He reached out for my hand and I let him. I was riding cloud nine and even the surprised looks a group of first years gave us couldn't shake it. As we got closer to The Great Hall, James pulled me into a quiet corner.

"Thank you," He kept hold of my hand. I looked up at his brown eyes. He seemed happy. The bubbling in my chest started. I wanted to tell him. To scream it at him. But I just smiled. "Do you mind if I take a copy?" He whispered nudging my other hand that held the small square picture I'd been handed by the healer. He quickly duplicated it and slide his copy into his pocket. "I'll see you later," he bent and kissed my cheek before turning and quickly striding towards The Great Hall and his tea.


	5. Chapter 5

James POV

"Evening," I chirped at Freddie and Sam as I all but skipped down The Great Hall to join them at the Gryffindor table for tea.

"'Ereuben?" my charming cousin garbled over a mouthful of potatoes.

"What my distinguished friend here is trying to say is 'Whatever have you been up to, old boy?'" Sam filled in giving me a look through his silly interpretation of Freddie.

"'Eah!"

"Oh I..." I tried to think of something plausible to say as I reached over and started to fill my plate up. "Between us, I went with Landon to her healer's appointment."

"Oh aye!" Freddie swallowed his mouthful. "What did you do that for? Not like it's your kid." Sam started coughing as he choked on his drink and I was glad I hadn't put the carrot I was about to in my mouth already or I'd have done the same. "Wait." His eyes flashed wide and he leaned over dropped his voice as he said; "It's not, it is?"

"Not guilty." I hissed at him.

"Good, good." He nodded sitting back. Sam was watching me closely.

"Why did you go?" He eventually said.

"She's lonely." I shrugged. That wasn't the whole reason, but it's all they needed.

"Whose lonely?" came a voice from next to me. Molly had appeared and was sitting herself down on one side of me.

"Landon."

"Well 'duh'?" Came a voice from the other side of me - Rose.

"Yeah," Molly nodded. "This whole mess has made her a bit of a social pariah."

"What have we missed anyway?" Rose smiled.

"James went to the healers with Landon." Freddie threw me right under that knight bus didn't he. The girls would never drop this one.

"Oh!" Molly sat up straighter. "Details!"

"What?" It was my turn to choke on food.

"She's being cagey." Molly reasoned. "And if she is due in January, she'll know what it is now."

"We want to pick her up a bit of something over half term." Rose nodded. Bull. They were being nosy. But in the off chance they might be telling the truth, I felt my mouth open and words spill out.

"It's a girl." I felt the smile pulling on my face. "She's healthy, cute and doing well. The healer called her a 'v-day baby', whatever that one means."

"Lily was right then..." Rose said cryptically.

"What?" Sam jumped in.

"Lily swears blind that she saw Briar sneaking off with another student on the night of the Victory Ball." Rose filled us in.

"What?" My turn now. "Did she see his face?"

"If she saw who - she's not telling."

* * *

I'd finished my tea in relative silence, answering just enough that no one seemed suspicious. Or at least I didn't think they were. Then I made my way to the library for some space.

My mind was spending far too much time running through the night of the Victory Ball. The robes Mum had sent and insisted I wore. The argument I had with Polly for wearing said robes where she'd stormed off declaring us 'broken up'. The hours spend sitting and laughing with friends, and drinking a bit too much perhaps. The dragging someone, a certain curly haired blonde, onto the dance floor. I'd woken up alone the next morning in the old tower. Thinking on it now, that actually isn't an unusual arrangement for whenever me and Briar have managed a full night together. She's a bit of an early bird - or so she says- but she'd usually leave me with a note, or a lipstick smear. That morning there'd been nothing.

No. I can't even be considering this. We used the spell and Landon's been on the potion for as long as we've been fooling around.

Aunt Hermione's voice sprang up in the back of my mind. A sitting down and telling off she'd given us all one new year when Teddy had been found in a compromising position with his date in a bathroom at our house.

_'They won't protect you! That spell fails 2.8% of the time and the potion is more of a liability than a contraceptive!' _

I need to find Briar.

Fast.

* * *

Briar POV

I was still riding cloud nine. Everything was fine. She was safe and healthy. And a she! I was so caught up in my thoughts of pink blankets and baby clothes - that I couldn't really afford - that I didn't hear James coming up behind me in the corridor.

He grabbed my arm and began dragging me back down the corridor and towards the stairs. I was confused. And my questioning was met with grunts and silence. Frankly, I was scared and by the time we made it to the seventh floor corridor and through a small door that opened into a little sitting room. I didn't have much time to look around as James roughly let go of my arm and gestured for me to sit in one of the large sofas. He sat across from me. Not once did he look up. His knee bounced as his head was in his hands.

After what felt like a lifetime, James finally took a large intake of air and slide his hands into his hair. His dark eyes bore into mine.

"I need you to be honest with me, Briar." his voice was hauntingly low.

"About what?" I was so confused. He breathed a humourless laugh.

"Briar." He took a steadying breath. "Who's the father?"

Fuck.

"I don't kno-"

"Bullshit." He yelled. His eyes flashed with an anger I'd never seen before. My hands flew to my belly and I felt my heart begin to race. "Is..." he took a steadying breath, his leg still bouncing and his hands flexing. "Is she mine?"

"James, I-"

"Don't you _dare_ lie to me again," James spat as he quickly stood, his hands now in fists at his sides.

"Yes." I look down at my hands on my belly, unable to see James in this state anymore. I did this to him. I hurt him and lied to him. "She's yours." Hot tears stung my eyes as they flowed like lava down my face. I heard him moving around the room, I assumed to the door to leave me alone again. So when his hands reached for mine, my heart all but stopped.

"Where you ever going to tell me?" his voice was quiet now, just above a whisper and a massive contrast to the yelling he'd been doing minutes ago.

"If I'd told you," tears flowed more than freely down my face and my voice wobbled along with them. "you'd have dropped everything. Your extra classes, your training, your recruiter sessions, I'd have taken everything away from you because I messed up and I couldn't see you throw it all away. You're worth too much."

"B," he pulled my hands closer to his face. "you were keeping the most important things in the world from me though. No amount of quidditch or 'life' would make up for that." I sobbed hard. "Hey!" He readjusted himself and I felt the sofa sink next to me with his weight. His arms wrapped around my shoulders and pulled me into his chest. Why was he being so nice? He was a raging bull not so long ago.

We stayed like that for a long time, James just rubbing my back and holding me tight. There was something intimate about the way he would drop little kisses on my head and give me a few seconds of tighter pressure. It was new for us. Just like the sitting around and talking or studying together had been over the last few weeks.

"I couldn't just ruin your life like that." I mumbled, eventually. James chuckled and gave me another kiss on the top of my head as my face was still pressed into his jumper.

"B, what are your plans for after Hogwarts?"

"What?" I sniffed. I mean, it's a bit of a stupid question for a 24 week pregnant teenager isn't it?

"What do you want to do with your life?" James's hand cupped my cheek turning me to face him. I didn't have plans. Well apart from somehow keeping baby safe, warm and happy. When I didn't respond, James smiled softly and gave me a small kiss on my lips. "You're willing to give up everything, but won't accept my help just because together we'd both have to rethink a couple of things?" I sniffed.

Breaking the silence between us, the baby hit out. Hard. I winced. James's eyes widened, his hand leaving my face and resting on my belly which was rippling visibly under my school blouse.

"She's getting strong," James chuckled. A smile lit up his face as he rubbed his hand over the bump, gently pressing back wherever the baby pushed out. A guilt washed over me as I watched and felt them playing together, bonding the way they should have been for months. I sobbed again, tears rolling from my eyes - because apparently, I still had some still left in me if that was even possible. James pulled me in tighter, my head fell against his chest and the tears rolled from my cheek onto his shirt, leaving an ugly damp patch. His dropped his head against mine. "Whats in that head of yours?" He muttered, still rubbing his hand over the bump.

"I'm sorry," He shushed me. "I took everything away from yo-"

"It doesn't matter now, B." his voice was low and soft. "All that matters now is our family." My heart skipped a little at his words.

"So you're okay with this?" He laughed.

"That first night I came to you, when I first found out," he started, shuffling himself on the sofa to create some space between us, he then wrapped my hands in his large quidditch calloused ones. "I badly wanted you to say she was mine. The idea of another man touching you just -" his voice shook and his eyes shut.

"Jamie," I knew what some people thought of me, what they'd been told. "You're the only one."

"What?" He looked at me. "But Dick said-"

"Richard says a lot of things," I sighed. "But he's never been inside of me." James's face told me he wasn't so sure of that. "He just likes to dry hump." James snorted.

"Little bastard." He chuckled, shaking his head. "Though makes sense."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, Little Miss 'innocent'," He leaned back into the sofa and smiled smugly at me. " I'm pretty sure that you aren't into feet." I groaned. "and -" His smug grin widened. "- I know for fact, that you always swallow."

I threw a pillow at him. Not that he cared. He just laughed it off and then pulled me down onto him. We stayed like this for a while, long enough that I could feel sleep starting to creep up on me. James either felt the same, or could feel me dropping and guided me over to a bed I hadn't noticed before. He got me comfortable before he slid in behind me. It felt awkward with all of our clothes in the way, so I wriggled out of my skirt and blouse. James took this as permission to do the same. Leaving us both in just our underwear. James lead himself on his back and pulled me into his chest. I obliged and lay there listening to his heart beat while I drifted off to sleep.


	6. Chapter 6

Briar POV

There was a gentle snoring in my ear when I woke up. For a moment, it worried me. I wasn't in my bed, it was too large and too soft, and someone was holding me tight. Until a sleepy voice mumbled 'B' and snuggled in even closer - if that was at all possible. This wouldn't normally have been a problem. But these days I have a tiny human who likes to use my very full bladder as a trampoline and my belly was growling loudly letting me know it was probably fairly late into the day on Saturday.

"James," I half whispered, giving one of his muscular arms a squeeze. "I really need to get up."

"Stay." He mumbled and tightened his arms again.

"Seriously, Jamie," I sighed. My belly was really starting to hurt now with my seriously desperate need to use the bathroom. "The baby is doing a number, I need a wee." His top arm let go of me. Or I thought it had. Now the hand made it's way to my swollen belly and he nuzzled into my neck.

"Our baby." my heart felt like it was going to burst at his sleepy words and hot tears stung the backs of my eyes. I had been so prepared to take her away from him. Yes he's giving up so much but I really should have let that be his choice.

"James, please, I need to go!" I managed to get out without crying. James stuck his head up at me now, only half awake. His hair messy and fluffed up the way it always was in a morning.

"You promise you'll come back?"

"If you promise there's food." He nodded and let me go. The room had conjured an adjoining room at some point that had a quaint little bathroom behind it. Complete with all the toiletries a girl could need. On my way out of the bathroom, I caught sight of something shining. It was a full length mirror. The mirror reminded me I was only dressed in my bra and knickers - neither of which had really been intended to be seen. I hadn't been looking at myself often recently, not that I've ever been the type of girl who spends hours staring at her own reflection. But seeing myself now, all bare and swollen, was strange. Fine lines had started to trace across my stomach, a gift thanks to the pressure my ever growing child was putting on my skin. I know I should embrace these things, but I couldn't right now.

How could I? I'm here in an old t-shirt bra that's seen better days and a comfy pair of flowery boy shorts currently beginning to resemble a baby whale while James is lying back in the other room looking like he is just ready to go on to some photo shoot for Witch Weekly and then out partying with pretty girls with legs as long as their entire bodies. Girls like Polly. I let out the worlds most unattractive sob as tears fell hot and fast down my face. It was as a pair of arms wrapped around my shoulders I realised I hadn't locked the door.

"What's wrong, B?" James's voice was soft, but he was worried. "Is it the baby?"

"N-no." I sobbed. He held me tight.

"Tell me," James was panicking now. "I want to help!"

"I'm not pretty like you," I got out in one breath -total word vomit.

"Pretty... like ..." James turned me to face him. Annoyingly his stupid face had broken into a stupid grin. "You think I'm pretty,"

"Piss off, James!" I hissed and tried to turn away from him again.

"No!" He held me tight, his fingers digging into my shoulders. "You are absolutely beautiful, B."

"I'm fat."

"No," he sighed. I could see a little of his own annoyance starting to settle behind his eyes. "You're pregnant. Pregnant people get bigger because babies get bigger."

"You're only saying that because that's what you're supposed to say to pregnant whales," I sighed looking down at our feet.

"No, I'm saying it because..." It was his turn to sigh now. "This is embarrassing to admit but... I find you really sexy like this." The air felt like even it stopped to go 'what the fu-'

"No you don't."

"Yeah, I do." He pulled me into him. And I'll admit I could feel something's presence between us, but I was ignoring it. "I mean, I think you're sexy anyway but now... I don't know what it is or why, but I really like it."

"Is this a fetish thing?" I half laughed. "Like did you plan this just to live out a fantasy?"

"What?" James's look of mild embarrassment had melted away. Quickly. He now just looked mortified. "No.. I -I just-"

"Shush," I gave him a quick kiss on his lips. "I was just teasing."

"Mean," He muttered before pulling me over for a hug. We returned to the main room and started to get dressed. My belly was growling loudly and while morning sickness had been a thing of the summer, I was starting to feel nauseous at the lack of food in my stomach. But there was something I needed to know first. Something I only worked up the courage to ask as we exited the safety of that secret room.

"James," I said, quietly. He'd already started walking off down the corridor, clearly unaware I'd stopped. "James," I said louder.

"Hmm?" James's head turned, and he stopped walking, then turned around. He looked a little confused but made quick work of the distance between us. "Briar?"

"What are we... you know... doing?"

"Going for food?" James laughed slightly. "You said you were hungry."

"Yeah I am," I could feel myself rolling my eyes. "But I mean is, what are we doing about us... about ..." I gestured to my stomach. "her?" His face softened and his shoulders dropped. His hands reached out, one grabbing mine and the other resting on the side of my beach ball belly.

"I will always be there for her, and you, no matter whatever else happens." My heart was officially a puddle. Seriously. "As for us, well that one is up to you,"

"James-"

"No, I want you to take some time to think about what you want. Really think and not whats best for anyone but you." James's lips - those delicious lips of his - curled into a smile. "But considering we're set for life in one way or another, if we could keep the fact she's mine quiet for a little longer, it would be a massive favour." My heart, now reformed, sank. He was ashamed of us. He didn't want anyone to know. Was this thinking time so he could get something together that would take her away from me? Or set him somehow free of any parental responsibility - which would be fine, you know, that's what I'd planned for in the first place but... To actually hear it? Ouch.

"I see."

"Just until I can tell the family," I looked around a little. They're pretty much here. "I don't want one of the cousins to tell Mum and Dad before I can. They aren't going to be impressed, but they'll be less impressed if Molly tells them before I do."

"And why would Molly do that?"

"No idea." James shrugged. "First name that came to my head. These days it's a good bet that whatever name I think of, there's family." I giggled. I was still sore by his wanting to hide us. But I got it. And the holidays are only a week away. I can carry on as normal for a week.

* * *

James POV

I decided the next morning that I really needed to get my shit together. So I got up, not early but Sunday's without Quidditch usually only mean I get up for food and a shower, and piled all my books into my bag. Then I dragged Freddie to the library.

"You're trying to impress someone." Freddie yawned after our first hour.

"Yes I am," I mumbled trying to write a quote on the differences needed between conjuring an eagle or turning a persons arms into eagle like wings. Tricky stuff. "I massively have a thing for Webster and his god awful assignment choices."

"Hey," Freddie said another twenty minutes later. "You know whose really good at Transfiguration?"

"Not me?"

"Is very kind?"

"Not you?"

"Just walked into the library and loves to help out her cousins?"

"I'm not sure we know anyone of that description, Fred." I sighed putting down my quill and looking over where Fred was looking. Dominique and Briar looked like they had just arrived and were making themselves comfortable on a table across the library. "I thought you said 'kind'? We'll owe her for this, you know that right?"

"It'll be worth it." Fred's voice was sombre. "Think of the grade." He got up, taking his half finished assignment with him. So I followed. One, because he's right in the fact that Dominique is leagues ahead of us at Trans. Best in the year, closely followed by Briar. And two, because Briar was over there and I had seen her, or the baby, since a last hug before walking into the great hall for lunch yesterday.

"Oi! Dom!" Freddie shouted. A round of 'shush!' greeted him from around the room like a chorus of speech impair snakes. "Sorry!" He half whispered, nodding his head and grinning. "Fancy helping your two favourite cousins out with their Transfiguration homework?"

"I don't see Molly or Lily anywhere?" Dom didn't even look up from her book. But Briar was chuckling, even if she wasn't looking at me.

"Common, Dom!" Freddie slid onto the chair next to the part veela. "Help a guy out, I've already got half way, I just need some advice." Dominique looked at us both, her silvery eyes flitting from Fred to me, down to the parchment in our hands and back again.

"Fine." She held her hand out and took the sheets. Then handed one to Briar.

"They're your cousins." Briar muttered passing the parchment back.

"Please, B." I whined, sitting down next to her. She sighed and took the page back.

"It reads like a first years work," Dom finally said looking at Fred. "Honestly, you might as well just wipe your arse with it."

"Jeez, Dom." Fred looked hurt. "Don't hold back why don't you. I really need to get a good grade on this though."

"You know it's 12feet on this right?" Briar added looking at me.

"What?"

"'12 feet on the exceptional properties and rights of incantations involved with flighted transfiguration', you've only done two."

"Whens it in?"

"Tomorrow."

"Oh Merlin, just kill me now!" I sighed and threw myself down onto the table. I couldn't manage twelve feet on the subject. I can't even reliably complete the spell.

"Lets see it anyway." Dom ignored my display.

"See what?" Thankfully Freddie was as confused as I was.

"The spell." We looked at her in horror. Then burst out laughing.

"You... want ... us-"

"To actually... do .. it?"

"Yes." The girls sat back. Neither finding the idea as funny as me and Fred. So that sobered us up some. Freddie went first. It was a mess. He basically looked like someone had dunked him in tar and thrown chicken feathers at him. So I went. I was trying to give one of the text books (using its cover as arms) dove wings. They were hideously formed with talons and scales, more dragon like, but they were also completely useless for the poor book that kept trying to lift of from the table and failing. The girls looked at each other and sighed. Dom picked up her wand.

"If you can't perform the incantation, how do you expect to write about it?" She waved her wand at Fred, muttering the spell under her breath. Freddie yelp as his arms began to morph into long, drawn out shapes with his fingers pulling back and spreading into the bones of a wing. Then a shock of pink feathers began to fill in the skin that held together the bones.

"You turned me into a bloody flamingo!" Freddie yelled in horror.

"And a magnificent one at that." Dominique nodded and quickly reverted her spell. Briar then turned on the poor malformed book I had tried to spell. I noticed that while she gave the same flick of her wrist that Dominique had, her mouth didn't move.

"Since when can you do non-verbal spells?" I couldn't even watch the transformation, the words just fell out of my mouth.

"Since our topic in the subject in last years Defence against the dark arts." Briar offered, almost robotically. Her now finished spell had the book soaring around us on a raven black pair of full, strong wings.

We spent the rest of the day trying to complete our spells. Dom had been right, really knowing the spell had made writing the essay easier. But I was still up writing it at 1 am in the common room that night.


	7. Chapter 7

**Trigger warnings for the end of this chapter.**

Briar POV

She'd waited a while before she rounded on me. So long, in fact, I thought I'd gotten away with it. She hadn't said anything when I'd sheepishly slipped into the open space next to her for lunch on the Saturday. Or mentioned anything all that afternoon. Sunday went by without a mention too. That is until bed time.

"So," Came the low roll of Dominique at her most inquisitive. "You and James, then?" I nearly choked on the water I'd just sipped.

"No!" I said a little too quickly, still coughing up the water.

"Please - Even my Uncle Ron could have seen the flirting going on with you two today." Dom rolled her eyes and flopped onto my bed. I sat myself down at the other end.

"He's just being kind to me," I sighed. I was trying to keep our secret. "Not many people are these days so it's nice."

"Mhmm." Dom nodded.

"Don't 'mhmm' me," I hugged my pillow into me. She stood up on her way to the bathroom to get ready for bed I presumed.

"Just let him know that if he hurts you, I'll have his bollocks." And she shut the door behind her.

* * *

Monday morning was on us in what felt like the blink of an eye. Thankfully, most people had gotten bored of staring at me during meal times. So I had a peaceful breakfast with Dominique and Fiona - a dorm mate of ours - watching the Weasley/Potter group make a scene over on the Gryffindor table. Dom tutted and sighed at them, but I smiled. It was hard not to when James was beaming ear from ear with maple syrup dripping down his face thanks to Roxie. He caught me watching him and hopped over his table - because he's James and walking around would be too normal - and plonked himself down next to me.

"Morning," His face was split in a goofy grin.

"You're sticky." Dominique tutted and edged herself away from him, even though she was sitting on the other side of the table. Poor Fiona had been shoved out the way, unintentionally, by James.

"I know," James still grinned then quickly reached over and smeared maple syrup on her face. I laughed. Fiona laughed. The first years next to Dom were smart enough to not laugh with us.

"Yeah," Dom muttered. "That is more than enough of you for my morning." She sighed and left us. Likely to go and clean herself up properly while I assumed James was just going to give a half arsed cleaning spell a go.

"Whats bitten her?" James jabbed his thumb in the direction Dom went.

"She's not a morning person." Fiona offered with a friendly smile. I like Fiona, she's a sweet, friend of the world type.

"Or much of a people person," I chimed in. "But she's your cousin, shouldn't you be telling us that kind of thing?"

"Keeps herself to herself, to be honest with you." I nodded. I could see that. I figured it was also why Dom would arrange shopping trips or cafe lunches over the summers instead of inviting us to her house to chill.

"It's time to get to class anyway," said Fiona looking down at her watch. I went to grab my bag from the floor, but James beat me to it.

"I can get it myself, you know."

"I know."

"So can I have my bag back please?"

"No."

"Um... you guys?" Fiona butt in. "We should get going."

"It's fine Ffion,"

"Fiona,"

"Yes, Fiona," He clicked his fingers like the idea was just coming to his brain. I rolled my eyes. "You head off, I'll make sure this one gets there in one peace, I promise." Fiona's eyes darted between us, uncertain. But then her fear of being late won and she left us, with a little twirl and a sigh.

"What are you playing at, Potter?" I was pissed now. He shrugged and started to help me off the bench. Which actually was a great help but I'm not about to admit that to him.

"Just humour me." He shrugged. "Besides - this thing is heavy. What do you have in there?"

"The required text books for my courses." I muttered starting to walk away without him. He jogged a little to catch up before we had even left The Great Hall.

"Yeah," He nodded. "I keep meaning to get those." I chuckled. And in the chuckle, he knew he'd won. He let himself walk a little closer to me as we left the noise of the hall behind us.

"Seriously, though," I finally found the courage to ask him again. "I thought you wanted on the DL?"

"I do, until I can speak to my parents," He nodded. His voice was soft. Like the James only I knew. "But, well, I wasn't there to hold back you hair. Or to tell you everything's going to be alright. So can you just let me carry your entire library between classes for you?"

"None of that was your fault," My own voice was quiet now. And we'd stopped walking. And we we're holding hands. And James's face was coming closer to mine. And we kissed. Briefly, but sweetly. And then it was over and we were both walking in the direction of my charms class.

* * *

This became our new normal. He would meet me after classes and walk me and my bag to my next class, or the library, or The Great Hall or the common room. Sometimes we'd study or eat together. There were a few stolen kisses, or he'd pull me close to him in the library and carry on reading his book with an arm around me. It was comforting. I guess I had been so desperate for something that was 'normal' that I didn't notice the attention we had riled up. Until I was cornered into acknowledging it on Wednesday.

"Oi!" Was shouted down the corridor. I didn't turn to look, people shout all the time, likely wasn't for me. "I'm talking to you, whore." Well then... that probably was for me. So I turned. I was on my own this time. It was first period. James had gotten me to the library with the books I had and then gone out to use his free time in the air. I had been killing time until Dom finished Ancient Runes and then we could get some food. Then I needed a wee. Which landed me in a corridor being called a whore on my way back to the library. Happy Wednesday?

"I'm sorry," I called back. It was Polly Parkinson and a couple of her cronies. "did you want something?"

"At least it knows it's place," Parkinson smirked as she stalked over, the others just keeping up. "I said 'I'm talking to you'," She stopped just in front of me.

"Can we make it quick?" I rolled my eyes. I could feel the pulsing in the back of my mind that always lingered whenever Parkinson was around. "I've things to do."

"You need to stop taking things that don't belong to you," she snarled at me.

"I haven't actually got a clue what you're talking about, today," I sighed. Which in hind sight, was a bad idea. CRACK. She slapped me hard. My jaw stung and tears threatened, hot, behind my eyes.

"James Potter is my boyfriend." She hissed in my ear. I didn't have the 'together' in me to remind her she wasn't anymore and not cry at the same time. And I wasn't about to give her the satisfaction of seeing me cry. "He's only hanging around you because you're just a stupid whore. An easy lay. He'll be begging me to take him back soon, he always does."

"Ok," I offered with a small smile, and spun on my heels leaving Parkinson shouting behind me. What she had said had stung. But I wasn't about to give her anything in return. Something I knew I would regret at some point. But I also knew that Parkinson was relatively predictable. And at least I had my little warning system for when she was around.

* * *

James POV

It had been a long day of shovelling various piles of animal dung from various animals. Some days, I questioned my logic of 'just doing care of magical creatures' to 'fill out the timetable'. Especially on days like this where I ached all over and smelt worse than a dragon den. And I was painfully missing B. I had taken off to study before I jogged out and apologised to Hagrid for being late. Not that he minded.

"James!" Came a shout from behind as I made my way - early-ish - into The Great Hall. I turned quickly, ignoring the wrinkled noses of a group of forth years, to see my usually very put together cousin looking decidedly ruffled.

"Dom? What's wrong?" I smiled at her. "Run out of conditioner?"

"It's Briar," Her face was stony, and I'm fairly certain mine looked like I was about to throw up. "She's in the hospital wing."

"What?" I heard my voice say.

"She's fallen, you need to get there." She started pushing my shoulder in the direction of the stairs. It took a moment for my mind to process what my ears heard, but when it did, I started sprinting - not caring who or what I ran into - in the direction of the hospital wing. On the landing I could hear pain. I collided with Sam in the door way. His arms stopping me from falling.

"I'm so sorry, James," He whispered. His face was white. He was shaking. I briefly glanced down at him, but wished I hadn't. One arm and some of his shirt had been stained red.

"Sam... I-"

"Just go," Sam urged me towards the wing, pointing at the one curtained bay. "She needs you right now."

I was shaking. I didn't want to meet that curtain. I didn't want to see what was on the other side. I didn't want to know why Sam was covered in, what I am now assuming to be blood. But my legs kept walking. My heart kept beating so hard I thought it was going to burst through my chest. I saw my shaking hand reach out and grab onto the curtain. Begging my ears to be mishearing the whimpers of pain and sobs, I pulled it open slightly.

Briar was on the bed, her face contorted in pain. Madame Abbott was holding her hand. Bottles of potion sat on the bedside table. A couple I knew to be pain killers. Madame Abbott looked up and saw me. She patted Briar's hand and whispered something before walking around the bed.

"I'm sorry, Mr Potter," She smiled sadly. "Now isn't the best time, Miss Landon isn't up to visitors just yet."

"But," I started stupidly. "I need to -" she started turning me away with gentle but firm hands. "No! I need to be there with her. She's alone." I wasn't even looking at the healer. "Please, Aunt Hannah, I can't leave them alone like this." I needed her to be my parents friend right now. Not the stiff upper lipped school healer. She caved. Patted my arm and pushed me towards the bed.

"I'm going to check where the Mungo's healers are up to." She said quietly and left us. I walked over, dragging a loose chair with me and sat next to Briar. I took her hand.

"I'm here, B." I whispered against her hand. Her eyes opened and she turned her head towards me. I could see the pain in her tear stained face.

"I'm sorry, Jamie." Her voice sounded hoarse. "Ah!" She hissed and grabbed her stomach, squeezing my hand hard. I fought the urge to shout out in my own pain. It clearly was nothing to what she was feeling.

"You've nothing to be sorry for," I muttered after the pain seemed to dull slightly. She was leaning closer to me now, I leaned forward and kissed her sweaty forehead. "The healers will be here soon, they'll make everything better." She nodded against my cheek. I hoped I sounded more confident than I felt.


	8. Chapter 8

Trigger warning**

This story from this point on will contain triggers of child loss, mental health concerns and substance abuse. Play feel free to switch off and no longer continue on this journey or to return to us if/when our characters make it to the other side. (I will update with a 'safe' chapter when it is written and online)

James POV.

Time seemed to both slow down and speed up. Aunt Hannah would sit with us, holding B's other hand, then she'd check her over the best she could before hurrying off muttering about people needing to get here and would return with more bottles. She would regularly feed pain potion, blood replenishing potion and a mild sedative. Briar had become hysterical earlier. Inside, I was screaming and losing my mind. But I couldn't let her know. I just sat there, holding her hand and stroking her ever paling face while we waited for a healer. Briar whimpered as gripped my hand tighter.

"Isn't there something you can do?" My voice sounded weak. I didn't even realise it was me.

"I'm sorry, James," Aunt Hannah shook her head. "This isn't my field, I've done everything I can." As she checked Briar's temperature by putting her hand against B's clammy skin, the curtain surrounding us twitched and the cheery head of Fliss Saxton appeared. A fury built inside of me at her smile. How could she walk in here, after two hours of watching Briar writhe in pain without being able to help her and act like she was just a little late for lunch? But Aunt Hannah flashed me a warning glare. "I'm going to fill in Healer Saxton, you stay with Miss Landon. Keep her calm." That last statement wasn't about keeping B calm, it was about me not tearing Saxton a new one. I could hear them muttering between them. Aunt Hannah made a sound that resembled a muffled sob. Then they both returned. Saxton looking for more demur.

"I'm just going to give you a quick look over, Briar, is that okay?" Saxton called over to a half asleep B. She didn't respond. The healer just stood there, fixing her gloves at the end of the bed. Briar wasn't going to respond.

"Just do it." I spat.

"I have to hear it from -"

"She's in agony, she's sedated and she's lost way too much blood and you want her to understand what you're saying?" I stood up, anger bubbled in my chest.

"Jamie," Aunt Hannah's voice cut me off. "She's just doing her job. But he is right," She turned to the healer. "Miss Landon is struggling, we really do just need to get on."

The healer nodded and carefully walked around the bed opposite me. She check Briar's forehead, for her temperature I guess, then her eyes and her pulse. Before she put one hand on Briar stomach and then the other. She muttered something to Aunt Hannah who nodded. Then she took out her wand and pulled Briar's school blouse up leaving her stomach exposed. She put the tip on B's skin, just how she had not even a week before. But this time there was no 'screen', there was no looking or excitement. She stopped quickly and moved slightly further down the bed. She instructed Aunt Hannah on how to help her manoeuvre Briar for an intimate exam. Before they had pushed back her knees her eyes fell on me.

"You'll have to leave for this."

"I'm not going anywhere," I hissed, holding Briar's hand tighter between both of mine. Her head moved slightly as she opened her eyes to look at me.

"You're not the baby's father, I can't let you-"

"I am... staying." I got out, a choke holding in my throat. Aunt Hannah's hand squeezed my arm. She'd noticed.

"He won't be any trouble." She assured the healer and continued preparing Briar for what came next. Saxton joined her. She pushed Briar's legs apart, using the sheet we'd covered Briar with early to protect her modesty some. I knew the moment Saxton's hand made contact with B. I might not have know what the healer was actually doing, but I'm not stupid enough to not know where her hand was going. B's eyes shot open and she cried in pain.

"I need you to keep her still," Healer Saxton ordered me. I hated myself for it, but I pressed my arm across Briar's chest and pushed her back into the pillows. My cheek next to hers.

"Focus on me," I whispered in her ear.

"Jamie, it hurts." She whimpered.

"I know," I didn't, but I could see it in her eyes. "Just a little bit more and when the healers done, she can get on with making it better, okay?" With that, she stood up, trying to quickly remove and conceal a blood stained glove and nodded Aunt Hannah outside again. I could hear them. Not everything, but enough.

"We need to keep things as calm as possible." Healer Saxton was saying as I got closer to the curtain.

"Shouldn't we tell them? Her?"

"It will only add to the upset." the healer shook her head.

"What is happened?" I pushed passed the curtain. Aunt Hannah looked at me with unshed tears in her eyes.

"Nothing to worry about," Healer Saxton trilled in a fake sugary sweet voice. "All that matters is that baby is making her way here. A little early but Miss Landon will be fine." My heart tightened. That was a well rehearsed line. A well rehearsed, carefully worded line. I saw what she meant. I'd put it together during Briar's exam but I had hoped I was wrong.

"And, what about..." I felt the words heavy. I couldn't say them. Aunt Hannah walked over and wrapped me in her arms.

"I'm sorry, Jamie." She whispered rubbing my back as I sobbed. "Briar needs to be kept calm though, there's the smallest chance we're wrong but she cannot know." She leaned back, holding me at arms length, her own tears staining her cheeks. "Can I trust you to keep her calm?"

"But the b-" I started.

"If you're going to upset her," Healer Saxton cut in. "I'll have to ask you to leave." I nodded my understanding and quickly wiped my face returning to B's side, holding her hand and kissing her head. The healer followed me in with Aunt Hannah. Healer Saxton started getting ready to check Briar again. B's blue eyes snapped to mine. Her hand grabbed my mine tight and her breathing quickened. She was scared. I swallowed my own pain and leaned in pressing a kiss to her cheek.

"I'm here, B." I whispered against her cheek, stroking her hair with one hand while I let her grab hold of the other tightly. It hurt, I wont lie.

"I'm scared," she whimpered.

"Quick check," Healer Saxton mutters reaching back under the covers. I didn't look, I just focused on B. On keeping her attention on me, away from the ashen faces of the Matron and the Healer.

"It's time." I heard behind me and I swallowed my fear and braced myself for what was to come.

* * *

It didn't take long. In the space of an hour the most gorgeous, tiniest baby was born. Healer Saxton wasn't much use afterwards, rage had boiled inside me when I watched her roughly push the tiny body towards the foot of the bed so she could continue tended to Briar. But as out of it as she was, Briar knew she'd been born. She knew she wasn't with her anymore. So she fought against the blonde healer. Hard. I was proud of her. Aunt Hannah pressed a bundle into Briar's arms and wrapped an arm around her. Holding her, letting her sob into the bundle.

"I'm so sorry, sweetheart," she whispered rubbing circles on B's arm. I realised that Briar even through the sedation, Briar had worked everything out. "I need to get you more potions," She said softly to B, holding her closer for a moment. Then she looked up at me and nodded, gesturing for me to take over. All I wanted was to hold Briar, but at the same time, I wanted to turn and run.

Shaking, I made my way around the bed, trying to avoid seeing the stained sheets, and pulled B into me. I braved a glance down at the small bundle in B's arms. Time stopped when I saw her. The tiniest of creature's laying in a swaddle of blankets in her mother's arms. The softest tuft of dark curls was the only hint she was mine because the beautiful thing was Briar's double. She looked peaceful. Unbothered by the ordeal and I let myself believe she was just sleeping. I held out a shaking hand before taking a deep breath and resting it against her. B tensed for a moment and held the baby tighter, before she relaxed and slowly looked down at our baby girl for the first time.

"Oh, Jamie" she whispered. "She's -"

"Perfect." I finished, not wanted to hear anything else. I didn't want to face the idea she was doing anything but sleeping right now.

* * *

I some how managed to keep myself together while I was with B and the baby. Even when Healer Saxton went to take her and B freaked out. To be fair, I didn't want to give her up either. I would have happily stayed with them both in that cubical for the rest of my life. But I knew that couldn't happen. I knew that we had a time limit. And B knew that too. Every time someone came anywhere near the curtain, she'd tightened her grip on the baby. It took all three of us to separate them and the look of betrayal Briar bore into me cut me. Eventually Aunt Hannah made contact with a syringe full of the sedative potion and Briar almost instantly relaxed and closed her eyes. Healer Saxton made short work of scooping up the baby from B's limp arms while I stood there helplessly now that B wasn't fighting against us. She quickly left and I found myself following her, not trusting her with the baby. But I was stopped by a hand on my arm.

"You need to rest, James." She said simply. I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. I just looked between the now sleeping Briar and the back of the Healer making her way towards the office at the back of the hospital wing. "She'll sleep for some time." I nodded a went to follow the Healer. "I don't think that's for the best." Her voice was soft but her grip on my arm was vice like. "They'll take care of her until arrangements are made." I just nodded, dumbly, and let her steer me towards the doors and into the hall. Into Sam's arms.

He held me and we cried some together. Before he pushed me back, looking me straight in the eyes but whispering 'I'm so sorry'. It was then I realised that Sam knew. Same knew everything. Freddie's arm slipped over my shoulder in a far more macho hug and Dom stood just behind Sam, her eyes red and puffy.

"Is she okay?"

"Briar's sleeping." I heard myself say. "She'll - she'll ... I mean she..."

"Is alive?" Sam offered.

"Yeah."

"And the baby?" Dom's voice was so full of hope. But I couldn't answer her. My mouth opened and shut but my heart hurt, I couldn't say those words. Fresh tears ran down her face as she closed the gap to cry on my chest. I held onto my cousin tightly for some time, before Fred and Sam peeled us off each other and took us to our separate dorms.

No one in the room spoke to me, I assume word had gotten around in the hours I'd been at Briar's bedside. Gossip works great like that at Hogwarts. No one complained that I cried myself to sleep.


	9. Chapter 9

Trigger warnings still apply.

James POV.

I didn't move once I woke. It was early. I could hear the others softly snoring around me. Apart from Freddie. He sounded like a earthquake. It felt so normal. To be led here, everyone else sleeping. Everyone having plans for the last couple of days before half term.

Except it wasn't.

Yesterday morning, I'd woken up with thoughts of how the hell I was going to break it to my parents that I was going to be a parent. You know - every 17 year olds dream conversation with his mum and dad. But today, none of that mattered. I hadn't even spent a week knowing I was going to be a dad. It shouldn't hurt this much, should it?

I checked my watch seeing that it was half five. Enough time to get myself ready and go to Briar. So I did. I forwent the shower this morning, even though it was probably a bad idea but it would be time I could spend with Briar. I quickly scribbled out a note to my parents, explaining that I wanted to stay at school next week - to get some extra studying done, of course - and shoved it in my pocket. I'd pass by the owlery at some point in my day. My clothes were mismatched and crumpled, but clean.

The journey to the hospital wing didn't take me long, or perhaps I was just too lost in my thoughts to notice, and soon Madame Abbott was in front of me. Her hands gripped my shoulders, forcing me to look at her and not over at the cubical.

"You should be in bed, Mr Potter." She said in her usual stern manner. But there was a hint of my Aunt Hannah under the tone.

"I need to see her." I said dumbly. "I can't sleep."

"I can give you something for that," she nodded sadly and tried to steer me towards her office.

"I don't need anything for it." I shook her off. "I just need to see her."

"James," She went to reach for me again, grabbing onto my wrist this time. "If you come into my office, let me check you're okay, then I'll let you go to her." I nodded and let her lead me into the office at the side of the hospital wing. "Tea? Coffee?"

"Hm?" My brain wasn't keeping up as I focused on actually sitting in the chair I had been pointed at and not falling in some exhaustion induced accident. "Oh... er... Tea, please."

"Milk? Sugar?"

"Just a splash. Two sugars." I robotically rhymed off my usual breakfast drink. Moments later, Aunt Hannah pushed a hot cup into my hands and sat herself across from me, a steaming mug in her own hands. "Thanks."

"James -"

"I don't need a talk." I cut her off. "I'm fine, just tired. I just want to see Briar."

"She's hopefully sleeping again," Aunt Hannah nodded to herself.

"Again?" Briar woke up alone? Aunt Hannah looked at me and nodded, sipping her tea.

"I had to check on her through the night, top up her pain meds." Now I was sat nodding looking into my mug. That makes sense. I just wish I had been there for her. "Now, James, it's not that I don't care what yours and Miss Landon's relationship is, it's just I've learnt that it's not my business." I nodded, dumbly, again. "However, yesterday was traumatic - for all of us - and I just want you to know that I'm offering you the same I will offer Miss Landon. If you need help talking through what happened, I'm here. If you struggle to sleep or find you can't stay asleep, I have potions for that too."

"Right." I say not really processing. "Thanks." I won't be needing her help. I just need to see Briar, I need to know she's okay. "Can I see her now?"

"Just keep her calm." She smiled sadly at me and nodded. "And yourself."

* * *

It was hard seeing her. Her sheets had been changed, which I was thankful of, and she was now in a set of pyjamas that I assume Dom brought down for her. When I first snuck into her cubical, she was awake, albeit lying as still as possible, but she didn't react to me. I wanted to reach out and hold her. But I didn't, I just sat in the chair next to her bed. I didn't know what to say. I tried a couple of times. But I just ended up opening and closing my mouth like an oversized, land-dwelling goldfish.

"Talk to me, B." I eventually got out. I reached my hand across the bed to hold hers. Her skin was cold and clammy. I only held her for a moment before she seemed to snap out of whatever stupor she had been in. She snatched her hand out of mine and recoiled, eyeing me with disgust.

"What is there to talk about, James?" she spat.

"I just need to know you're okay," I whined out and tried for her hand again.

"Don't fucking touch me." She sat up now. I could see the tears building in her eyes. "How can I be okay?"

"I -"

"I'm not okay, and I never will be." Tears started falling thick and fast. I sat there uselessly. "Don't come in here pretending like you care."

"Briar I do care," I tried.

"Really?" She was becoming hysterical and each word was cutting me deep. "Where was that care when they took her from me?" I opened my mouth and closed it. "Because you didn't care, you just let them take her - to Merlin knows where! - and you fucking held me down so they could. Really fucking looks to me like you care."

"But we'd had all the time we could-"

"It wasn't enough!" Briar's voice wobbled with each syllable. "She was my baby - my daughter - and she's gone. You just let them take her from me ." I heard it, and I felt it. The baby was 'hers'. I wasn't part of this family.

"Briar, sweetheart, please."

"Don't. Just don't. I don't want to see you anymore. Whatever this was between us, it's done now. You're a free man. Leave." Aunt Hannah came bursting in head flicking between us both quickly before running to put her arms around Briar. "I said go!" B shouted at me through her tears.

"I think it would be for the best," Aunt Hannah nodded sympathetically. So I did. I held the tears until I was on the still quiet landing.

* * *

I sulked around the castle for the morning. I didn't go to class at all. It seemed like the teachers had accepted not having me in class today. Rumour mills churn amongst the staff too, apparently. My first lesson should have been potions with Winterfell. But when he stalked passed me on my ledge near the library during second period, he said nothing about my no-show. I stayed on that ledge until the crowds flooded the corridors for lunch, when I turned to make my way back to the hospital wing.

When I arrived, Madame Abbott was distracted with another student, so wasn't there to grab me again. I made my way quickly over to Briar's cubical. She wasn't alone this time, which I was thankful for. At the same time, I wished she was. I needed to talk to her - to make her see sense - and that wasn't going to be possible with company. Sam sat in the chair I'd used yesterday, leaning his forearms on his knees so he was closer to the hushed conversation going on. Dominique sat at the other side of the bed, holding Briar's hands and stroking her hair. I'd never seen my cousin as particularly caring, but apparently I was wrong. Or maybe I was just the wrong person? Briar looked so small wrapped in blankets and her friends arms. Anger bubbled in the pit of my stomach. It should be my arms holding her, keeping her safe. But I swallowed the need to rage.

"Hi, B." I waved pointlessly as I stepped passed the curtain. B's eyes flickered to me, for just a second, before she burst into tears and buried her face back on Dom's shoulder.

"Sam- would you?" Dom whispered urgently, jabbing her head in my direction. Sam stood and sighed.

"Common, mate," He started to try and turn me away. "Let's go for a walk." I didn't want to go for a walk, I wanted to be with Briar.

"No," I shrugged him off. "I wont say anything, I promise, I just - I need to know you're okay, B."

"She's fine, Dom's looking after her." Sam put his arm around my shoulders, turning me again. "Let me look after you," His voice was soothing. Sam had a way of calming a person down. It's a talent that will lend itself well to his dream career - healing - though I still resisted him, letting my feet root themselves to the spot. "Jamie, don't make things worse. Let's just go and blow off some smoke?" I let him lead me now. Some people used that phrase to mean let out some anger of pent up energy. Sam wasn't that coy. He literally meant 'let's go have a smoke' but learnt early on that no-one ever caught him for it.

* * *

"You know," I started, taking another long suck on the joint Sam had produced out of his pocket for me. It may or may not have been our second round at this. "You're sitting right where that baby was made." Sam looked around him.

"Could have warned me." He threw me a dirty look. It was the first mention either of us had made to the baby. It was the first time either of us acknowledged our shared belief that she was mine.

"Or it might have been over by the railings," I shrugged. Sam looked both disgusted and impressed. "I should go to her." I said with an air of finality, standing up. Sam, the more experienced smoker out of the two of us, beat me to his feet.

"That's not a good idea right now, Jamie." He shook his head, blocking me with a hand on my chest.

"But I need her!"

"She doesn't need you right now." Sam said. The words hurt. Even through the drug filled haze. She didn't need me.

"But - I - We - " I stumbled over my words stupidly and let myself flop back onto the floor.

"Just give her some time," Sam joined me on the floor. "Her body's in bits, her hormones are everywhere, she's been through a major trauma - as have you -" Sam cut me off before I could even start. "She can't even begin to process anything right now while she can't even sit in bed without being in pain. Give her time." I nodded. I don't want to give her time. But I guessed he was right.

"What even happened?" Sam shifted uncomfortably.

"I'm so sorry, Jamie." I could hear the tears on his voice. "I should have done more."

"What happened?" I felt the anger from before hit me again.

"She fell." He was staring at his hands. "I was walking down the corridor with Dom, Briar was a bit ahead of us. It was busy - you know how it gets when the bell goes - and then she stumbled, and she..." He took a deep breath. "She fell down the stairs on the third floor landing. I tried to get to her, I really tried, Jamie, but there was too many people." Sam was openly crying now. We both were.

All of this for something as stupid as a stumble.


End file.
